"Ben’s Tale, or Secrets of the Dead" by Chris McWilliams

Ben and Terry were sitting alone in the living room of Ben’s parent’s palatial home.    Ben KNEW his parents would be gone seeing to business for HOURS and they would have the house to themselves the WHOLE time, even the housekeeper was taking her day off.

“You want another beer Terry,” Ben asked seeing that Terry’s first drink was empty.     Terry seemed to consider the question and said, “No, I have to drive home so I don’t want to get REALLY DRUNK.    I’m good.”     NO, Ben thought YOU’RE GREAT.     He had rehearsed this day in his mind over and over again now finally everything was just right; it was time to tell him.

Ben took a deep breath, he had rarely been THIS nervous but he was READY, he had always told himself when the time was RIGHT he would tell him and it was never going to be better than it was right then.    “I have something to tell you.” Ben blurted out much more clumsily than he had planned.

“What?” Terry asked.    Ben was unsure if Terry was asking WHAT he WANTED to tell HIM or, if he wanted him to repeat what he had just said because he didn’t understand, so he said, “I have something to tell you.”   This time he said it slowly trying to force himself to be as calm as he could.

Terry laughed, “Yeah I heard.    What ya’ want to tell me.”     Ben loved it when Terry laughed, his smile and the wholehearted nature of his laugh was positively infectious and gave him the strength he NEEDED to go on.

“I LOVE you Terry.”   Ben said simply.    There was a moment of silence then Terry grinned, “I LOVE you too Ben, I was hoping you felt the same way.”

Terry leaned in and before Ben KNEW what was happening they were kissing.     Slowly at first then as they continued the kissing became more passionate and intense.     Then slowly they began moving their hands over each other’s bodies and began to pull at each other’s clothes, undressing each other.

Just as they got each other down to their underwear and things really started to get hot and heavy Ben heard a strange sound.     It sounded like an electronic buzzing sound, it seemed both familiar and strange, Ben found he couldn’t concentrate on anything but the sound.    Then he started hearing voices, sounded like the late afternoon guy from the radio.

Ben woke up fully realizing that he had been dreaming again.     Slowly he began to recall that he HADN’T come out to Terry yet and told him that he was in love with him and all the rest, it had all been a dream.     It wasn’t the first such dream, he had many of them since he had met Terry and had fallen in love with him, especially since they had been put on night shift, he figured because they spent all night together and then he would come home and go directly to bed.

Ben had been WANTING to tell Terry how he felt and about his being gay from the start but then he had heard him complaining about some girlfriend of his and knew he DIDN’T feel the same way, at least not at the moment.

Ben himself had at one time been into girls, or thought he was, until he met the guy who changed his life.     They had gone to boarding school in Europe and had been roommates.      At first they had barely known each other but over time they became friends then Jean Paul the blonde god that he was started hinting about being into guys and started changing clothes right there in front of Ben as if trying to entice him into something.

Then one night Ben, who had broken it off with a local girl, and was depressed, found his way into Jean Paul’s bed and there they stayed pretty much every night until they graduated.    To this day they still stayed in contact even though Jean Paul NOW had a BOYFRIEND.

Since then Ben had some boyfriends of his own but nothing really serious, the guys around Everett were more often than not TOO REDNECK for Ben’s taste, even the ones he met at that gay bar in Milwaukee, like those idiots CJ and Bart at work, although Ben did have a slight crush on CJ at first, that had been killed by what a jerk he turned out to be.

Ben would never forget the day he laid eyes on Terry for the first time.      It was his first day working security at Crossroads and he came in with the mall security uniform on, they all HAD to wear them, but there was something about Terry in HIS that made him seem so attractive, Ben had always had a thing for men in uniform.

When Ben and Terry had ended up paired off to do some of their patrols Ben was careful to get to know Terry better but not to let on that he was fishing for information.     That was when Ben found out about Terry’s ex-girlfriend Becky and about how rotten his home life was at the moment.     That was also when he REALLY fell in love with more than just his boyish good looks, Terry was the kind of guy he had always wanted: handsome, sensitive, with a lot of the same interests.    Now all he had to do was find out if he was REALLY straight like he thought or not, personally Ben thought Terry was like he used to be just ‘playing along’ with what society told him was right.    Either way he would find out and in the end even IF they couldn’t be lovers he seemed like a really great friend.

Over the weeks and months since they met Ben and Terry had become virtually inseparable: going to the movies, to clubs, to hear bands, whatever Ben could think of to spend time outside of work with Terry and try to learn more about him.

While they were paired with each other at work they slowly begun to make plans.    Ben had learned early on that Terry DIDN’T want to a mall security grunt for the rest of his life, he saw it as a stepping stone to the police academy or MAYBE even the army.    Ben had to admit that the image of Terry in a cop or military uniform made him hot but he didn’t really think Terry’s sensitive nature and over all easy going attitude would really work for him in THOSE places.

That was when Ben told him about his family, the owners of Crossroads Mall among other things, and how his time as a security guard was part of his father’s policy of getting him to learn the business from the ground up so he could run it some day.     He also told him how he was GUARANTEED to get into management within a few years and that he would be happy to take a young go-getter like Terry with him, as long as he made himself qualified by taking business courses, which he could do at Everett community college, while Ben HIMSELF followed his father’s wishes and did what HE needed to do to make his father see him as ready to take over the mall when the time was right.

Of course the part he glossed over was that his father had another reason for sticking him in such a lowly starting point to learn the family business, he had gotten wind of Jean Paul and some of the other guys he had been involved with, plus the dabbling in drugs.     Basically, his father had made it clear that Ben had to PROVE HIMSELF by excelling at his job, not taking drugs and NOT DATING OTHER MEN, AT LEAST OPENLY.    Ben had been furious at his old fashioned and draconian father until he found out that he didn’t really give a fuck if he was with other guys or not, as long as the local rumor mill didn’t get wind of it.    As usual, perception was more important than reality with Ben’s dad, as was the family name and reputation more important than the ACTUAL FAMILY.

Of course with as much time as Terry was spending with Ben since they met he was pretty sure that his parents ASSUMED they were boyfriends, even though no one dared to say so out loud.    Ben DID have to give them points for treating Terry really well when he was around.

Ben finally put all these thoughts out of his mind; he had a LOT to do today.   He had been gently nudging Terry to look at apartments; part of his ‘master plan’ was for them to become roommates.    He KNEW that Terry was having a HARD time at home and personally he would LOVE to get out of his parents house, nice as it was, so he could live his OWN life.

However, as much as Terry wanted to move he kept telling Ben he couldn’t AFFORD it right THEN and that he didn’t want to go into it with Ben paying more than his fair share.   To that end he had taken a big risk and, despite his father’s wishes (or some would say because of them), started acquiring marijuana from a janitor at the mall and re-selling it to help make money.    The idea was, since part of the startup money came from Terry that IF the sales could get him enough to move they could find a place then and there instead of having to wait.

Today was special because Marcus, the janitor, was getting some primo stuff, legendary weed from some place in Mexico called El Pequeño Asilo, APPARENTLY among those in the KNOW it was considered rare, high quality weed worth a lot more than standard stuff in the same amounts.    This was going to be the LAST BIG SALE, after this they could get a decent place and BEFORE they moved in he could tell Terry everything and hopefully they could be together AT LAST.

Ben sat up and realized that all this thinking about Terry and what he HOPED the future would hold had made him really horny.       He didn’t want to go downstairs to eat with his raging hard on in his mall security pants so he saw only one option.

Reaching over to his nightstand he pulled out a small box that contained his x-rated DVD collection and pulling a disk out at random he walked over, turned on his TV making sure to turn down the sound and popped the disk in.

On his way back to his bed he slipped off his underwear and grabbing a tube of lube got himself ready for some fun.      Grabbing the remote with his free hand he skipped several chapters until he got to a really good part.     A cop had just arrested a rough, yet handsome looking, thug and while he was handcuffed he started frisking him, then one thing lead to another.

Ben grabbed his lubed cock with his right hand and started moving it up and down his long hard shaft while watching the cop and thug on the TV screen.    He could feel his hard cock in his hand and the waves of pleasure as they moved through him.    Then he started to image himself as the thug and Terry as the cop and got even harder.     He started moving his hand faster and faster feeling more and more pleasure then eventually he climaxed as cum flowed out of his cock like white lava out of a volcano.

After a few seconds to catch his breath Ben got up and with his clean hand put his disk away.    He was about to go into his bathroom and clean up when there was a knock on his door.     “Get up Mister Cozen, it’s time to get ready for the mall.”   The voice belonged to their housekeeper Greta, she had been knocking on his door to make sure he wasn’t late since they had been moved to nights, thanks to HIS own miscalculation.

In his zeal to help Terry afford their apartment his wheeling and dealing got out of hand and forced him to allow some people he had been dealing with to take store merchandise in payment, unfortunately the stuff he told them to take were display items and since they were on security duty at the time the WHOLE shift had caught hell for the theft, since then all four of them had been working nights, which was the WORST shift they had.

Greta knocked again and Ben said, “Thank you Greta, I was just about to hop into the shower.”    “Very good Mister Cozen, I made you breakfast so don’t take TOO long or it will get cold.”     “Thank you again Greta,” Ben said, “I will just be a couple of minutes.”

“Very good,” Greta said then he could hear her head downstairs.      Greta had been really good to Ben since he was little and continued even now making him breakfast in the last afternoon and making sure he was awake in time, he really liked her a lot.

Ben picked up his discarded underwear and went into his bathroom to take a shower.      While he cleaned up he took a second to have another quick jack in the shower just to make sure he got it out of his system.    Then when he finished he got out of the shower, dried off and threw on his mall security uniform, being sure to grab his cap he headed downstairs.    Ben didn’t dare put it on because, as nice as Greta was, she had a thing about wearing caps in the house, he just wanted to make sure he didn’t forget to wear it because CJ would bust his balls if he forgot it again even though they didn’t really HAVE to wear them and Ben didn’t like wearing one.

Ben was greeted by the smell of Greta’s famous pancakes with maple syrup.     Ben hadn’t realized how hungry he REALLY was until he smelled the food and saw a heaping pile of pancakes waiting for him on the kitchen tale with a large cup of piping hot coffee.     Ben had been drinking some new kind of homebrew coffee that was put out by Hallowed Grounds and while it wasn’t exactly as good as the real thing it was the next best thing, it even came with a twenty ounce Hollowed Grounds mug that he loved because of it’s size.

Ben hungrily devoured the food and drank the coffee down, normally he would have breakfast in the dining room with his parents but since he had been moved to nights he had been eating alone in the kitchen because at that time of day his parents weren’t even home yet.     

Once he was done he gave Greta a friendly peck on the cheek and said, “Thanks Greta.”    “My pleasure Mister Cozen,” Greta said.    “Now Greta,” Ben said smiling, “I’ve told you to call me Ben, I mean we’ve known each other since I was little and I and your own son had grown up together.”    What she didn’t know was that one Christmas when Ben was home from school and her son Jason was visiting from Arizona state they had ended up spending the night together, he wasn’t ACTAULLY gay himself but he had gotten very drunk and very horny and things kind of just happened.

“I just can’t bring myself to call you Ben, sorry Mister Cozen.”    Greta said, bringing Ben back to the present.     “Well,” Ben said, “whatever makes you comfortable, but it’s out there whenever you decide you’re ready.    By the way how is that son of yours?”

Greta beamed with pride, “All A’s, the way he’s going he is going graduate top of his class next spring.”    Ben was pleased, Jason was always so smart and handsome, IF he had been gay there might have been hope for THEM.    “What about that girlfriend of his?”     Greta beamed again as she said, “They’re talking about marriage, I’ve told them AFTER they graduate but, I think they MAY do it sooner.”    “Well,” Ben said smiling again, “hopefully they will at LEAST let you know so you can be there.”   “Oh,” Greta said, “that much they’ve promised.   Now you had better get going or you’ll be late for work.”

Ben looked at his watch, “You’re right.    See ya’ later.”    With that he headed through the kitchen door to the garage and hopped into his car, it was a nice one, a graduation present of sorts from his parents, he KNEW that Terry liked it and that even Bart was jealous of it and wished he had one like it, that made him smile a bit, he really didn’t like Bart or the way he and CJ acted toward him and ESPECIALLY Terry, so anything he could do to needle them made him happy.

As Ben drove to the mall he thought over what he had to do tonight.    He HAD to meet with Mark the janitor and pick up his last shipment then he had to start wheeling and dealing to sell it and get the money so that he and Terry could get a place together.     Meanwhile, he had to talk Terry into looking for a place, he was reluctant to look until they had the money but Ben wanted to have a place in mind even if he had to kick in more, he just wanted to move in with him.

Ben pulled into his regular parking space and sat there for a second.    As it turned out he actually managed to arrive a little early and hoped that maybe he could find Terry and they could walk in together.

A couple of minutes later here came Terry in his junker, Ben loved to tease him about his crappy car but it was all in good fun and they BOTH knew it.     Ben sat there until Terry had finished parking and the two of them ended up getting out of their cars at the same time and walked over to each other.

“Well here we are, another wonderful nightshift,” Ben said by way of greeting.     Ben saw as Terry grimaced, even that expression made him look cute to Ben, showing how much he, like the rest of them HATED working nights.

Ben felt bad about that for Terry’s sake.    He had been TRYING to help out Terry with the apartment money and things had gotten out of hand.     Since they had been on nights Ben had gone out of his way to keep Terry happy especially since TERRY ALSO KNEW THE REASON THEY WERE ON NIGHTS AND HAD WANTED BEN TO COME CLEAN.    What he DIDN’T know, at least not YET was that he had done it for him and couldn’t EVER come clean with that or their future would be jeopardy.

Where he had REALLY screwed up was getting into debt to Mark, the janitor, and some hard ass dealers that Mark did business with and Ben DIDN’T have the money.    That is why he had to help them steal stuff from that Metropolis store in the mall.

That was when he had come to Terry begging him to help him out, to keep CJ and Bart busy while he and a couple of guys working for the guy he owed money too did some shoplifting.     As a security guard Ben knew all the angles and could make sure that the security tags were removed, that they didn’t get hassled, the works, so it was done.

What Ben didn’t count on was the old bat who ran Metropolis and CJ’s long running beef, or that she would notice the missing items so fast, turns out most of them were display only items whose absence was noticed within the hour.    With that fast of an alert the blame fell squarely on their shoulders and since everyone was playing dumb, or actually didn’t know anything, all four of them were being punished for it by being put on nightshift, the thought was since it looked like an inside job that within a week of working nights someone would crack.

At first Terry had begged Ben to come clean, he figured Ben’s parents would understand, after all these people would have hurt or killed him if they didn’t get what they wanted.    However, Ben TOLD him that if his parents found out about his side deals, their plans would be over.   What he DIDN’T tell him was that he was MOST afraid that they would find out about his feelings for Terry and THOSE plans would be ruined too, that scared him MOST OF ALL.   He just told Terry it was about drugs and that they would disown him and ruin their plans to move up in their work.     That left Terry no recourse but to keep quiet too and hope that it would all blow over.

When they started nightshift Ben had bent over backwards to keep Terry happy, so that he wouldn’t ruin everything by cracking or resent him and change his mind about moving in together so he started giving Terry some pills a friend of his gave him to help him sleep.      “I need a cup of coffee,” Terry suddenly said out of the blue.

While Terry and Ben walked to the parking garage elevator Ben could tell that Terry was thinking about the mess they were in, he KNEW Terry had been thinking about it since they had been thrown on nights.     Suddenly, Terry said, “What if, after the week of night shifts is over, and no one comes clean they decide to try and do something else?”     Ben was calm, or as calm as he could be seeing Terry in the state he was in, he HAD to try to convince Terry everything WOULD BE FINE.     Ben asked, “Like what?”      “I don’t know,” Terry said getting slightly agitated “Like take the value of the stuff our of our already crappy pay, or start some sort of criminal investigation?”

“They wouldn’t get the police involved because if they did it’s likely that the story would get out and they don’t want people thinking the mall is unsecured, people would start to feel like it’s not safe to shop here and it would hurt business, besides I know we are courting some new retailers and if they thought the stores would be subject to being burgled they might not come here.     They MIGHT dock our pay but since it’s not good to start with who would notice?”     “I would for one,” Terry said sounding very upset, Ben hated seeing him like that, “and what about CJ and Bart, sure they are pricks sometimes but they didn’t have anything to do with it and they would get punished as well.”      Ben couldn’t help but laugh, “well they should have found better jobs a long time ago, losers.     If they dock our pay I will PERSONALLY make sure to give you the difference, and maybe a little more, just hold on and stick to our plan.”    AND DON’T RUIN MY PLAN, he thought to himself.    Ben could tell that Terry hated the way things were going but that he didn’t think he had much choice so he decided to let the matter drop.    I WILL MAKE IT ALL UP TO YOU AND MORE WHEN THE TIME COMES TERRY, I PROMISE.   Ben thought to himself one last time.   By this time they had nearly reached Hallowed Grounds and needed to order their coffee.

Once they reached the counter Terry ordered his usual soy mocha latte with foam, which the young woman behind the counter quickly made and handed off to him.    Ben KNEW from Terry that he kind of liked her (he secretly hoped it was just an infatuation) and they BOTH knew that Bart had a thing for her too but EVERYONE knew she wasn’t into security guys, she liked college guys and Terry doubted that the local community college would cut it.   Ben however, ALSO KNEW that SHE apparently LIKED him and of course he LIKED TERRY instead so as she flirted with him, he took great delight in brushing her off EXACTLY like she had brushed off Terry hoping she got some idea of what she made Terry feel like. 

Finally, she gave up and got Ben his triple chi latte, something Jean Paul got him hooked on while they were together, and the pair headed for the security area, they were already a few minutes late, even though the final day shift was still on duty finishing up and getting ready to clock out for the night.

When Terry and Ben reached the security area they found CJ and Bart already there drinking down their own Hallowed Ground drinks.    Since the whole night shift thing had started Terry had been kind of nervous around CJ and Bart, Ben KNEW he was afraid of acting suspicious around them, especially since he had told Ben that he was pretty sure they already suspected the truth or some version of the truth themselves.

It had been plainly obvious to anyone who cared to notice that the group dynamic between the four of them was split very much along age lines, although there were also attitude and other factors, age was just the primary element.

CJ and Bart were closer in age to each other than to either Terry or Ben so they naturally became friends and they even had the same attitude toward their work and their lives and common interests.     While, they had none of this with Terry or Ben, Terry and Ben did have a lot in common with each other, so if the team had split up the paring was always either CJ and Bart or Terry and Ben, which suited Ben just fine.

Despite Ben’s connections and all, CJ was the oldest and had worked at the mall the longest so he was the one in charge and it was an undeniable fact that old Bart was his second, his ‘go to’ guy and that he just tried to keep his contempt and loathing of Terry and Ben (especially Ben) to himself, although he was not always successful.

After a few minutes to have their coffee and give the day team time to get checked out and on their way it was time for two of them to make their rounds while the other two manned the monitors.     As usual Terry and Ben took the monitors so CJ and Bart could patrol the store.

As CJ and Bart left Terry and Ben watched them on the monitors.    “What a couple of jack asses,” Ben said as they came on the first floor monitor to try and lighten the mood.   Terry looked at them and could see that as they walked their beat they were talking.    “Want to bet,” Ben continued, “They are talking about us?”     “Not really,” Terry said, “I’m sure they are.    I have this feeling that they KNOW what happened, or at least have guessed part of it.”     “No sweat,” Ben said leaning back in the chair, “even if they SUSPECT they would never be able to prove it.     You kept them busy and I helped the guys avoid all the cameras, detectors and shit….”     “But,” Terry interjected in a worried tone, “isn’t that WHY they suspect an INSIDE job?”

“Probably,” Ben said, “but it could have be anyone who WORKS here, not just security, there would be dozens and dozens of possible suspects.”     Ben could tell that Terry was still worried but personally Ben was sure it would all blow over sooner or later, all they had to do was keep their eyes on the prize and not slip up, besides he was tired of talking about it and decided to TRY and change the subject.

“You know that janitor Mark?” Ben asked, “yeah,” Terry said, sounding concerned about SOMETHING.    “He told me last night that he has some primo stuff for me to sell this week, some really good A number one stuff.    If it pans out like he and I figure I will have enough for us to start apartment hunting.”

Terry looked down and said, “You know I’m still short a couple of hundred.”     “No worries,” Ben jumped right in, eager to get them living under the same roof, “I have enough to spot you that much, come on it’s time we get things on the road.    I known you are ready to leave and so am I.”    Ben was SO eager to get Terry to move in someplace with him and to tell him HOW he REALLY felt about it, he had to tell him and SOON.

Terry seemed to think about it for a while then he looked up to find Ben deep in thought.   Ben was remembering the dream he had just before waking up a while ago and how much he would like to make that dream come true in a place of their own AS SOON AS HE COULD.

Ben was lost in thought for some time thinking about how great it would be to just tell Terry and how even better it would be IF he felt the same way about him that Ben felt about Terry.

Finally Ben came back and Terry said, “I don’t know, I don’t want to go into this in debt, we each have to pull our own weight.”      Ben thought about it for a moment then said, “Tell ya’ what, if we can drag ourselves out of our beds at a decent hour Saturday we will just look around, pick a few places out to check out and IF and only IF we find anything suitable we will talk about the money then.   OK!”    He just HAD to get Terry to say yes to that much; he COULD live with that for NOW.    Terry seemed to consider that offer then finally said, “Ok, it’s a deal.”     That was all Ben needed, he had one small victory at least.    Then they shook on it and Ben felt the tingle of electricity he always felt when Terry touched him, no matter the reason for the touch, he loved to feel Terry touch him, then it grew quiet again.

By this time they could see CJ and Bart on the monitors stopping at Hallowed Ground, the unofficial halfway point to their patrol, to order another couple of coffees.     The way the camera was angled it was hard to see what was going on but Ben could guess that Bart was totally failing at flirting with the girl who worked there one last time before she closed for the night, and that CJ was drinking his plain black coffee and pretending to be oblivious to the whole display.

Even if the girl would have been interested in security guards, which she obviously wasn’t, his approach of ordering really fancy coffee didn’t cut any ice with her, especially when it was plain to see from his first drink that he hated it.

Ben noticed that Terry couldn’t seem to help but chuckle and he COULD see why too.    Bart had thrown his coffee, hardly drank, into a nearby trashcan, he apparently thought it was out of the girl’s sight but she clearly saw it because even on the monitor the could BOTH see her grimace and that she rolled her eyes.

Ben decided to use the situation to try and lighten the mood and test the waters, so to speak.      “Yeah,” Ben said, “they are a pair of clowns aren’t they?    If they could find another bonehead they could be the new Three Stooges.”    Then came the test, “bet they fuck each other when no one’s around.”    Ben WANTED to see how Terry would react to something like that.      Terry looked unfazed, as he said, “Never thought about it.”

It was silent again for several more minutes then Ben decided he was going to tell him NOW, it wasn’t the best time but he didn’t know if he COULD stand to wait ANY LONGER, but then he heard CJ and Bart’s voices and stopped.   SHIT he thought, NEXT TIME.

Once CJ and Bart got back to the security room they found Terry and Ben sitting at the console pretending they had been talking harmlessly about nothing, random stuff about what they wanted to do someday (although none of it bore any resemblance to their REAL plans, or even what Bart was hoping would happen), then they threw in a totally pointless argument about a local band they had gone to see last week and could barely make out Bart mutter the word “faggots” under his breath, that kind of thing used bother Ben but he was used to it from Bart and CJ by now.    However, the remark, in light of what Ben had said before, made Terry burst out laughing but he was able to hold it in and no one seemed to notice, except Ben who was in on the joke.

At lunch time the four of them sat at a little table in the break room, by this time the mall was closed and they had locked up and did the visual check to make sure that only authorized people were in the mall.     As the four of them sat around the small Formica table quietly eating their lunch they looked at each other but no one talked, as they were lost in their own thoughts.      It was obvious none of them WANTED to be on night duty but it was clear that CJ and Bart blamed Terry and Ben (even if they didn’t really KNOW the details), there were times you could cut the tension with a knife.   Personally, Ben couldn’t give a shit what the two of them thought but he REALLY hated putting Terry through all of this and hoped that things between them would work out and he would understand WHY things happened the way they did.    Ben would occasionally sneak peeks at Terry to see if he could figure out what was going through his mind but he didn’t want him to catch him staring, he had caught him in the past and while Ben had always covered it up he was worried that Terry would figure out how he felt for himself and THAT would ruin everything he had planned.

After a few minutes CJ apparently decided he couldn’t take it anymore, took what was left of the burger he had picked up at the food court right before it closed and said, “I am going to do another visual sweep and finish my lunch.”    Ben wanted to say something to stop CJ from leaving so that HE could do the sweep and meet up with Marcus but he couldn’t think of any kind of excuse that would matter to CJ in the mood he was in so he just dropped the whole thing.    I WILL GET DOWN THERE LATER, Ben thought.

Ben turned his attention back to his extra cheese personal pizza while secretly watching Terry finish his lasagna, he got from the food court, out of the corner of his eye.       Bart meanwhile tossed out what he hadn’t finished of a gross looking beef burrito as he left the room.

Terry quickly polished off his lasagna and finished off his soda then got up and left, Ben could only guess he didn’t want to talk about their plans or their situation again since he quickly left to join Bart at the monitors, leaving Ben alone with his personal pizza.

Once Ben finished his food he left to join Terry and Bart only to see that Bart was giving Terry a hard time about their situation AGAIN, he sure could hold a grudge.    Not wanting to get involved since Terry seemed like he didn’t need any help and there was no talking to Bart, Ben simply grabbed a radio someone had left behind and started searching the dial for something to listen to other than their argument.

After awhile longer Bart turned to look at Ben, OH HERE WE GO Ben thought, NOW HE’S GOING TO GO AFTER ME.    “Where the hell did that come from?”  Bart asked harshly.     Ben looked at him, not the slightest bit scared by Bart’s tone.    “I found it in the break room, someone from the day shift must have left it behind.    Thought a little music would lighten the mood in here.”     Just as he said that the music stopped and Ben thought GREAT NOW WHAT?

Suddenly the silence was broken by some kind of news bulletin.    Just then the elevator opened and out stepped CJ with the janitor Mark following behind him.      Ben looked over and saw Terry looking at him so he gave him a subtle smile and nod.       Mark had one of his sleeves rolled up and an old white (or at least it started out white) handkerchief pressed against his arm.    The dingy hanky was turning more and more red every passing moment.

Bart, apparently seeing that CJ had noticed the radio and was looking at him for an explanation, said, “we were looking for music or something and we found this shit!”     They all stood quietly as they listened to the voice on the radio “this just, in several area hospitals are reporting a rash of bite victims coming into their ERs.     Hospital sources say the bites seem to have some sort of infection and anyone with any kind of bite should treat it immediately and try to get to an ER if they start seeing signs of an infection.

“In an unrelated story there are reports of violence from several area bars, while the police are unwilling to speculate on the upsurge of violence one eye witness blames it on local youths…” at that point CJ reached down and turned the radio off.     “Nothing to worry about” he said, apparently as much to himself as to anyone else.

While CJ indicated to Mark where the first aid kit was and allowed him to work on his own wound while he went to sit down and take a breath Terry and Ben quietly found a corner to talk.      Ben said, “I have to talk to Mark alone.     We need to get the stuff from him NOW, especially if this bite/infection thing is anything.”     I would hate for him to croak on us before we conclude our deal.”      Terry, who didn’t seem to be in the mood to talk business said, “How are you going to talk to him alone?     CJ and Bart are right there?”     “I don’t know,” Ben, said, “I will have to work it out.”

Just then CJ, who apparently had collected himself, said “OK, we have done rounds and been watching the camera, we have some downtime.     Usual routine two on the monitors and two get some rest to take over.    In a couple of hours we all go downstairs and do the big sweep.     Bart and I will take the monitors and give you two some time to rest your eyes.”      Ben decided to take the radio because he wanted to keep track of the bite story when CJ snapped “Leave that here!    You want to keep up with what is going on go over to the TV place and see what they have to say, just keep it down and try and get SOME shut eye.     See ya’ in one hour!”

By this time Mark had tended to his wound and moved on, so Terry and Bart went to the TV store and sat down in front of a bank of TV screens, Terry was frantically surfing up and down the channels looking for a news report on what was going on.     Meanwhile, Ben was worried about what was going on but his MAIN worry was completing his deal with Mark, before things got worse.

“I have to get down there and talk to Mark.”   Ben said, getting more worried by the minute.      Terry didn’t seem as interested in the business with Mark as he was finding something on TV about what was going on.     “Why not try and talk to him when do our big sweep?” Terry finally suggested absently.     Ben was, at this point, very agitated “but that’s two hours from now!    What if whatever is going on is WORSE by then?”    Ben was worried that if things got REALLY bad HIS plans with Terry could be ruined.

Finally Terry seemed to find a local station he was happy with, the channel was talking about what was happening.     A man who was obviously reading from a teleprompter said, “In case you are just joining us I will repeat.     The local ERs and hospitals are starting to get a rash of bite victims, hospital officials seem baffled but are reporting that the bites all seem to be infected with some, as of yet unidentified agent, there are sketchy reports that bite victims are going into some sort of shock.     After which they become violent.    It is urgent that anyone with a bite wound seek medical help immediately whether they have any obvious signs of infection or not.”

“You see that,” Ben said, “If I don’t get our stuff from Mark soon it may be too late.”     Terry turned to Ben, angry “Are you listening to what’s going on!?”     This is a little more important that YOUR deal…”

Ben couldn’t help but lose his cool, he had been doing all of this FOR TERRY and he was being so ungrateful, then he reminded himself that Terry didn’t KNOW the full story but he would when the time was right, meanwhile he had to keep him focused on their goals.     “Don’t worry about this shit, they will isolate it and deal with it, sure those with this infection or whatever will probably die or get sick or whatever, but they will deal with it.     Don’t lose sight of our plan, remember the plan, we have it all mapped out, this is just a bump in the road.”

The man continued to read “Meanwhile, we are also currently following the report of increased violence, as you may recall the violence was FIRST reported in the area bar and night club district, at the time it was attributed to drunken youths but now the violence has escalated and spread to the point where it is being classified as an all out riot.     Although the police refuse, at this time, to speculate on the motives for the rioting, racial causes have not been ruled out…”

Terry seemed to consider the situation for a few minutes then said, “Ben, we may have bigger problems that just YOUR deal with Mark.    IF his bite is infected like the ones that they are talking about on TV and he becomes violent we could have real trouble.”     Ben considered this and finally said, “All the more reason I need to conclude our business before he gets like that, I doubt he will be in any condition to tell us where OUR stuff is if he is like that.”

Ben HAD to pull this off, he had to, he had to do it for himself and most off all he had to do it for Terry and for his LOVE of Terry, for them to have ANY chance of being lovers SOME DAY.

Just then Terry seemed to hear something on TV that he found hard to believe, Ben had missed what was said and had no idea what he was getting so worked up over.     After apparently getting over the initial shock Terry jumped up and yelled to CJ so he could see what was on TV.       “What?” CJ yelled back, “I said ‘come take a look at what is on TV’!”      Ben didn’t understand what all the fuss was about but it looked like CJ was curious enough to check it out.      CJ entered the area and shot Terry a ‘this had better be good’ look and Terry stood his ground… so CJ gave in and went to see what he was talking about.

Ben was sitting in a nearby chair watching several TVs, they all showed a reporter, a middle aged black guy with very close cut hair, Ben was watching and listening very closely even he HAD to admit maybe Terry HAD a point after all “there are reports from all over the world.    The phenomenon that had early on been misidentified as a ‘race riot’ is in fact something entirely different and it is showing up, not only all over the entire country, but the entire world…     The reports are, at this time scattered and spotty, but they seem to be multiplying by the minute.”      Ben could see that Terry looked very nervous and he wished he could put his arms around him and help comfort him but he couldn’t, not yet.

CJ turned and went back to rejoin Bart, leaving Terry and Ben to watch the TV newscasts.     Terry for one seemed to have seen all he wanted to but apparently couldn’t force himself to stop.       Terry just sat there in rapt silence as the new reports kept pouring in; state-by-state and country-by-country this THING was spreading like a wild fire.     Meanwhile, Ben decided the only thing he COULD do to keep his sanity was to retreat into his plan so he kept muttering to himself “stick to the plan, stick to the plan, get the stuff from Mark, sell it, move out, move on, stick to the plan…”  

Terry and Ben passed the rest of their time in this way and before too long it was time for them to take over the monitors and give CJ and Bart some time to rest up before the four of them were supposed to make their big sweep.     Even though at this point none of them (except for Ben, who was determined to carry out his plans, no matter what) felt that sticking to their schedule was worth the effort they still went through the motions if for no other reason than to try and make the night seem real and to keep what was going on outside as something unreal and distant, something happening in places far away from them to people they would never know.

While Terry listened to the radio reports, which Ben could tell he didn’t find anymore reassuring than the TV reports, Ben sat nearby watching the monitor screens TRYING to locate Mark the janitor and attempting to figure out some way to get to him before things got worse.

By the time the hour had passed and it was time for them to make their rounds CJ had apparently made a very important decision.     He got the others together and he made an announcement “We are not going downstairs to make our rounds.”     CJ said it plainly and simply with no preamble or explanation.     To say the others were surprised would have been an understatement to say the least.

“Why not?” Ben said, “It’s our job, it’s the mall regulations that…” Before Ben could go any further CJ turned on him with an angry face and said, “Because I say so that is why!    I don’t give a shit what the regulations say, those fucking regulations don’t cover what is going on out there… and the janitor I let in before WAS bit on his way here.”       Ben couldn’t stand it, he HAD to get down there and get to Mark before something happened to him but CJ was ruining everything.

Ben was about to say something else when Bart joined in “CJ is the man in charge, he says we don’t go down there, we don’t go down there, end of story!”    Ben decided to let the matter drop for the moment, he KNEW there was no reasoning with those two in the best of times and IF he kept going they would only be all the more stubborn about the situation, he just hoped that Terry was still on his side because he was going to need his help.    Ben looked over at Terry and was surprised to see the unspoken words in his eyes ‘just drop it’.     Ben gave him a look that said ‘stick to the plan’ but he could tell that Terry was scared and didn’t want to take risks, again making Ben wish he could just hold him and comfort him but he couldn’t, not right now.

Seeing he was defeated, for now, Ben gave up, for the time being anyway.     “What we WILL do,” CJ said “we will keep our eyes on the monitors in shifts like we have been doing and IF something warrants our going down there we will, but only if we really NEED to.    I’m not going to lose anyone for nothing.”    Ben decided to go along with that for now, he at least had an opening to bring the subject back up again, and IF it came down to it he could always go down alone and his love for Terry would allow him to overcome his fear and do it if he HAD to.

As the hours passed the four of them took turns watching the monitors and keeping an eye on the latest developments in the outside world.     Whenever Terry and Ben were alone Ben would try and convince Terry that they needed to get to Mark, and each time Terry would hold firm, even when Ben, in desperation, made the empty threat to cut him out of the plan.     Finally Terry ended up telling him, “It doesn’t matter anymore.    Don’t you get it?    The world is coming to an end out there, plans about the future don’t mean shit anymore, we might not even make it through the night.”     As much as Ben hated to admit it there was SOME truth to what Terry was saying, he thought about telling him the truth, telling him he loved him but decided given the tension between them at the moment it wasn’t a good idea.

As still more hours passed Ben got more and more agitated, he HAD to get the drugs from Mark.     He HAD to make the plan work, he HAD to prove Terry wrong, get HIS plan on track, then he could tell TERRY the TRUTH and they could be together.

More and more he WANTED to go downstairs and would use any trick or lie to get down there.     At this point nothing: not CJ ordering him to stay put, and not even having Terry, the man he loved, telling him it was a bad idea would make him back off.     So after arguing with him for more than twenty minutes CJ finally said, “Look you little shit!    If you want to go down there go, but you are going on your own and if anything happens you are on your own.”

This made Ben pause for a few minutes as he tilted his head in a look he got when he was weighing his options and trying to come up with a plan.    He REALLY was alone, even Terry had abandoned him, but Ben decided that he had only done that out of fear and that he could forgive him for that, he was deep down inside scared too, it was just that his love for Terry was stronger.      At length Ben swallowed hard and said, “Look CJ I am going, it’s our duty… we should be down there!”     At that point CJ appeared to be incredibly tense and tired of talking about it “WHY?   Why do you think we should be down there?    We have been watching the monitors for hours, no one is down there and we haven’t seen anything.”

Ben, of course couldn’t answer that question truthfully.    He WANTED to, he wanted to shout the truth that he was GAY… that he LOVED TERRY… that all he wanted was for HIM to return that love and for them to live together and be together, but he couldn’t, the fact that he didn’t have an answer showed on his face.      Ben could tell that he HOPED this would be the end of it but he COULDN’T give up, not NOW.

Ben thought about it, he was running out of excuses, running out of cover stories.   Finally Ben’s eyes lit up as if he had come up with something he could use, “What about the janitor?”    He was careful not use this name, to give away that they ACTUALLY KNEW EACH OTHER.     “They said in the news reports that if someone has been bit they should go and get treatment.     Shouldn’t we go down there and check on him and take him to the hospital?”     CJ appeared to be almost biting his lip to hold back the laughter, “you idiot,” CJ said “that was hours ago when they said that, if that guy HAD an infection from what they have been saying he was already gone.”     Ben tried to hold back a wince, IF that was true the plan was already lost.    Mark was the only who knew where he kept the drugs, without him he would NEVER get them.

Ben was thinking over that possibility and more, he was unwilling to stand there and debate it any further, “well you haven’t been able to see him on any of the cameras, so I am going out and find out!”    CJ just snorted and said, “don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out!”    Terry jumped up, seemingly to try and stop Ben if he could, only to have Bart (who apparently thought he was trying to go with him) grab him on the arm and say “Let the moron go, at least IF he comes back maybe he will have something to tell us.”

By this time Ben was in the elevator on his way.    The ride down to the ground floor had never seemed so long or so lonely before.    For some reason the dream he had earlier about Terry flashed through his mind again.    DAMN I WISH I COULD HAVE TOLD HIM THE TRUTH BEFORE I LEFT.     WE WILL BE TOGETHER I PROMISE YOU TERRY was all he could think.

Finally the elevator reached the ground floor and opened up on the empty mall.     Ben slowly and cautiously stepped out, looking around.    HE HAD to find Mark and FAST, he just hoped it wasn’t TOO LATE like CJ seemed to think.

Ben slowly went from one part of the mall to the next looking for Mark, for some reason he didn’t seem to want to start calling out his name, he wasn’t fully aware of it but there was something in the back of his mind that told him that would be risky.

Finally, after several minutes he made his way back into some of the mall’s back rooms, he was grimly aware that there was no cameras here, but he KNEW that was where he would have to look because they hadn’t seen any sign of Mark on the cameras in hours.

Suddenly, he heard an odd sound.    It sounded something like an animal but he KNEW there were NO animals in the mall.     By this time Ben was VERY nervous and much more frightened than he even realized before.

He had the funny feeling he was being watched, he couldn’t say by who or where but it made him feel uneasy, like one of those animals from the nature shows that end up being tore to bits by a pride of lions or something.

Quickly, Ben turned and found himself face to face with Mark.     He was ABOUT to say something when he saw that there was something VERY wrong with him.     He had a strange look in his eyes and had an odd kind of animalistic look to him.

Before Ben could fully react Marcus yelled, the SAME animal yell he had heard before then he pounced.     Ben didn’t have a chance as the thing jumped him, pushed him to the ground and bit a chunk of flesh out of his neck.

The pain seared through Ben’s body and he reached out in blind panic and managed to push the THING off of him and putting his hand over his wound to slow the bleeding he ran, not really heading to anywhere in particular he JUST RAN.

The thing chased Ben as he ran as fast he could to get away.     The THING WOULD HAVE CAUGHT HIM, IF it hadn’t been for the timely arrival of an Asian-looking man in janitor’s clothes, he must have been new, Ben decided despite his current situation, because he didn’t recognize him. 

As soon as the thing saw the other janitor it turned it’s course and started to CHASE HIM.    The man ran away heading toward the sporting goods store with the THING hot on his trail.

Meanwhile, Ben was in pain.    He thought for a moment about returning to the others but then he remembered the news reports about bite victims becoming violent and recalled the janitor he had just encountered.     He didn’t want to become like that with Terry around, he didn’t want to risk attacking Terry like Mark had attacked HIM, so instead he went to an employee only stairwell, he hoped if he went mad there he at least wouldn’t have anyone to attack.

There he laid on the stairs and felt himself getting sicker and sicker, then after a while he was gone.    As he breathed his last he saw flashes of Terry both real life memories and the dream he had earlier.    He cursed himself for not telling Terry he loved him, his last words were… “I LOVE YOU TERRY.”    Then he died.

Ben was perfectly still for a few seconds then suddenly he twitched and started to move again.    He jumped up but this time he was like the janitor, he was no longer human.     Ben looked around as if trying to figure out what to do next, then he heard voices.

The Ben-thing made it’s way out of the stairwell and looked through the open doorway into the main part of the mall, he saw three figures standing around there was one particular, he could sense was the weakest in the group, that he WANTED to attack.

Rushing like a wild animal he made his way to the target he had chosen and letting out a wild animalistic scream he grabbed her arm in an attempt to bite her.     One of the other two targets backed away while the other turned some sort of object in his direction, moving toward the Ben-thing and his prey.    The prey screamed and struggled helplessly as the Ben-thing moved it’s mouth closer going in for the flesh it craved.   

The Ben-thing barely got it’s teeth on the flesh when the target turned it’s weapon around hitting the Ben-thing in the face with the butt of the weapon causing it’s teeth to barely puncture the target’s flesh as the Ben-thing fell backward.

As the Ben-thing grabbed wildly at both his attacker and his former prey he was able to regain his standing position as he lunged for the target that had attempted to attack him.     The momentum of the Ben-thing’s lunge caused the target to drop it’s weapon as the two of them fell backward into a nearby fountain.

The target cut it’s arm on one of the metal fountain spouts and the smell of the blood caused the Ben-thing to hunger for the target’s flesh even more.

The two of them struggled wildly in the water of the fountain.     The Ben-thing attempted to hold the attacker’s head down and to try and get a bite but it fought back with strength that the Ben-thing was unable contend with.      After a few more minutes the attacker managed to get a hand free and started banging it’s head against the stone side of the fountain.

Unseen by either of them, one of the other targets picked up the weapon and attempted to shoot at the Ben-thing.   Then suddenly, there was a loud noise and something grazed his head.    

The Ben-thing could no longer control itself, all it could do was thrash around in the water unaware of what was going on around it.

After awhile the Ben-thing was STILL thrashing around in the fountain when it thought it saw something familiar.     Three targets appeared and the Ben-thing was able to force itself to stop thrashing for a few seconds.

Terry was all the Ben-thing could think as it stared at the man it once loved in life one last time before one of the other targets shot it in the head and everything went black.

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